


Is your sex life alight?

by pine67



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Dirty Talk, Dom Patrick Brewer, Episode: S07E12 The Spark, Established Relationship, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Married Life, Married Sex, POV Patrick Brewer, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Praise Kink, Service Top Patrick Brewer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:22:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28910778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pine67/pseuds/pine67
Summary: Alexis sends David a copy ofSo You Wanna Talk About Boyswith a sticky tab placed on a page that displays an intricate web of questions designed to quiz the reader on the state of their sex life. Except, it arrives at the house before David is back from his business trip with Stevie.If she didn’t want the quiz to land in the wrong husband’s hands, she really should have tried harder.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 36
Kudos: 160
Collections: Schitt's Creek Season 7





	Is your sex life alight?

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SCSeason7](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SCSeason7) collection. 



> **Prompt:**  
>    
> 7x12 - The Spark
> 
> Alexis sends a copy of a magazine to David, under the guise of showing off her latest campaign for (? Interflix/whoever?) But David knows better ... He’s spies the ‘is your sex life alight’ quiz. He’s not falling for that wind-up trick again! He doesn’t. But Patrick reads the magazine (waiting for David to finish his 9-step skin care? Whilst David is out with Stevie? When David is away with RMG? Etc etc) and does the quiz.... up to you how it goes
> 
> * * *
> 
> Enjoy a sex marathon weekend, courtesy of a bad sex quiz taken entirely too seriously. No for real, please don't consider applying any of these questions to your personal life. They were _intentionally_ designed to frustrate and enrage one (1) Patrick Brewer.  
>   
> HUGE thanks to [Kez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kez) for being a beta on Beast Mode throughout the behind the scenes of this fest!

It’s really not snooping if the magazine isn’t packaged or sealed. 

It falls to the floor as Patrick tries to balance all the mail he’d picked up in one hand as the other struggles to unlock the door. The magazine unceremoniously lands on its spine, flimsy pages are flung open to reveal a two page spread of two naked male models lying intertwined with each other next to an assortment of fruit. 

_ What... _

There’s a bold banner strategically printed over their groins, but Patrick can’t read what it says from way up here. He hurries to push open the door and place whatever is in his hands on the credenza before bending down to pick it up. 

He checks the front cover, making sure the explicit imagery isn’t a new addition to the  _ Costco _ or  _ Best Buy _ monthly flyers. Patrick really does appreciate the cultural advancements the community seems to be making… but this would just be too weird. 

Instead, it’s this month’s edition of  _ So You Wanna Talk About Boys,  _ an up and coming gay magazine he’s only ever seen an ad or two for on social media. The postage label indicates it was sent to David from Alexis’ New York address. He really shouldn’t snoop. Is it snooping if it’s nothing personal? If he’s really interested in the content he should just ask David if he can borrow it. He knows he’d say yes.

Except, David is out of town and the fact that the magazine fell and landed open on a quiz titled  _ ‘Is Your Sex Life Alight?’ _ was really out of Patrick’s control. 

So, if he opens it up to the same page and reads through the quiz, he’s as innocent as a lamb. 

* * *

He really,  _ really _ shouldn’t have snooped. 

Patrick spends the next day running errands on autopilot as he thinks about that stupid quiz and the stupid 14/25 result he gets  _ after _ he goes through it a second time with some half truths to inflate the score. 

He just cannot believe his score is practically a failing grade. Patrick was an A+ student through and through. He hit a rough patch during his first year of university when he experienced what it felt like to get a 79% and beg the professor to bump it up to an 80%. But that’s the lowest he can remember struggling. 

So this… this is just… completely unacceptable on so many levels. 

At first, he tries to convince himself that the quiz is rigged. But that apparently doesn’t work because at the bank he keeps inserting his card backwards. He doesn’t notice when Mrs. Macready waves at him in the grocery store parking lot until he’s already passed her. He feels incredibly guilty so he runs back and makes small talk to make up for it. Which is why he’s late to picking up the special order Strawberry Shortcake that David loves. 

All in all, it’s not such a great day so he opts to skip the non-essential errands and heads back home. 

He takes the quiz for a third time and gets a 16/25.

* * *

“Mmm, I missed you,” David mumbles. He doesn’t let Patrick respond as he goes back in for a second kiss. Then a third.

Their arms are wrapped tight around each other as Patrick kisses him back passionately, trying to convey as much as possible just how much he missed his lover too. Eventually, they pull apart slowly in order to carry David’s plethora of luggage bags inside. 

“How was the trip?” 

“It was a wild goose chase.” 

Patrick’s eyebrows fly up in concern. 

“Yea, exactly. Half the managers we were supposed to be meeting with weren’t even in town until the second day.” 

“Wow. I can’t imagine your dad being too thrilled about that.” 

“I thought so too. Turns out, him and Stevie have gotten used to this kind of treatment. It’s kind of sad if I think about it too hard,” David raises a hand and waves it in the air as if saying  _ it is what is  _ silently. “Anyway, what about you? Did you have any fun without me?”

“Nope, no fun was had without my husband around. I managed the store, I came home, I cleaned up.” 

David frowns as he kneels on the floor and begins to empty his shoe bag. “That’s awfully productive of you.” 

“I like things to be in order.” 

“I guess I can’t really say I’m surprised,” David smiles up at Patrick knowingly. 

Patrick watches as he arranges his shoes next to the credenza, wiping away invisible dust bunnies and straightening out his converse to avoid any creases. He’s painfully aware of the stack of mail he left upon the table top. There the magazine lies, along with some envelopes addressed to David. He’s not going to be obvious about it. It’s right there in plain sight. David will see it when he sees it. 

It’s just that - he sort of desperately needs to see what David thinks of that quiz. 

“Speaking of order, something came for you in the mail,” Patrick points to the inconspicuous pile between them. 

David stands up, glances briefly at the pile and minds it no second thought. “Thanks honey,” he kisses Patrick’s cheek before he picks up his toiletry bag and starts walking in the direction of their bedroom. “Ugh, I really don’t miss motel showers. I need to soak in sea salt for the next hour at a minimum.” 

Patrick laughs, always amused by his husband’s ability to be disgusted by literally anything that’s not one hundred percent up to standard. His jaw twitches and teeters on the edge of saying something pushy about the magazine. Maybe mentioning that it was sent from Alexis would pique his interest? But he doesn’t want to hint in any way that he’s already taken the quiz. He sighs and pats David’s shoulder instead. “You go take your bath, I’ll heat up dinner. Don’t be too long.” 

“No promises.” 

“Your Strawberry Shortcake is waiting in the fridge.”

David blinks twice, biting back a smile, before rushing off.

* * *

Patrick knows David read the quiz. He  _ knows  _ he did. 

Sometime later that week, the pile of mail is gone and Patrick can only assume David filed most of it away in their home office. For a few hours, the magazine is placed on David’s bedside table until it completely disappears from existence. 

Except, David doesn’t bring it up. 

They do end up having sex that week, but Patrick is saddened by the realization that it’s uneventful and predictable. It’s the before-bedtime-on-a-weekday type sex. The type where they’re too tired to try anything fancy. They hadn’t been chatting recently about any scenes they’d like to roleplay. Working the next day cancels out a lot of the toys that may leave long lasting effects on their bodies. There’s nothing to elicit any creativity so they unironically play rock paper scissors to determine who tops and it’s pretty much over within 20 minutes. 

But then it hits him on Friday morning. 

These reasons are just excuses. They’ve become complacent to their domestic lifestyle. When they first started dating they made sure to find any and every loophole to spend a night together, whether or not they had an early morning the next day. Weekends used to be reserved for date nights and going above and beyond in exploring more of their intimacy together. 

Now, weekends are for catching up on sleep, buying groceries and going to games night with their friends. If Patrick let’s this slide, the quiz will win. He won’t be able to rest at night, knowing it wasn’t rigged after all.

“I cancelled tomorrow’s reservation,” Patrick says out of the blue. David looks up from the silk kimonos he’s folding meticulously. 

“At the Elm Valley Steakhouse? Why? It’s the one night a month I’m served decent food.” 

“I take offence to that.” 

“I meant we,  _ we _ are served decent food.” 

Patrick rolls his eyes. “I also told Twyla we’re skipping Sunday games. Said we’re busy with a private matter, in case anyone asks you.” 

That must concern David, because he makes eye contact and squints. He abandons the last few items of clothing and rounds the center table to approach Patrick. “Is this you attempting to throw me some type of surprise? Because, first of all, I think you’re doing it wrong. I shouldn’t be told any of this information. Second of all, don’t.” 

“No no, zero surprises from me,” Patrick walks up to meet him halfway. He reaches forward and places his hands on either side of David’s face. David’s arms naturally land on Patrick’s chest.

David leans into the hold, a confused expression on his face. “Then what?” 

“I’m going to fuck you.”

David tries to mask his reaction, but the little twitch in his jaw doesn’t escape Patrick’s notice. He blinks rapidly, not able to make eye contact for a moment. “I-” he clears his throat, “I don’t understand. You say that like it’s an unusual occurrence.” 

“I’m going to fuck you many times, actually, which is why we need the whole weekend,” Patrick’s body is starting to feel hot and heavy. His heart beats dramatically in an attempt to regulate the excitement running through his blood while also keeping a calm and collected exterior in order to portray to David the kind of weekend he wants to have. He starts caressing a thumb along David’s stubble, applying the lightest amount of pressure. “We’re going to start simple tonight, no toys involved. But tomorrow morning I want you to dig out your bag from the back of the closet.” 

David’s eyes flutter in a way to suggest he wants to close them and throw his head back but is still a tad bit too confused to completely give in. “Uh, sure. I mean- I didn’t think-”

“Of course I didn’t forget about it, David,” Patrick whispers gently, leaning in closer with a tilt of his head. He stops just shy enough of David’s lips that he can’t steal a kiss. “I’m just sad we haven’t made good use of it lately.” 

David clears his throat again. “Okay, I am… I am all for…  _ that,” _ his fist clenches tighter on Patrick’s pullover. “But uh, let’s save the details for later. Because if you keep talking, I won’t be able to continue working." 

Patrick smirks, a little smug about the quick reaction he aroused from David. His eyes glance down quickly, but David’s overskirt prevents him from seeing any proof. “Sure. Later,” he lets a wandering hand slide down David’s neck, pinky inching under the neckline of his shirt. His other hand moves to gently rest on David’s chest. He can now feel how fast his heart is beating. 

It’s really a sweet moment between the two of them. Anyone walking by the storefront would simply see two husbands in a loving embrace. But Patrick wants to plant a seed of desire in David’s belly. They still have a couple of hours to go. He wants David to ache, stutter and trip over his feet for the rest of the day as he anticipates what awaits them tonight.

Patrick winks and slowly takes a single step back. David sways, no longer anchored down. The seed has been planted.

* * *

* * *

“David.” 

Their room is dimmed down, two candles flickering in a corner provide the little light they need and an all encompassing scent of eucalyptus that somehow always gets David going. The bed is still neat, tidy and waiting for them to make their way in.

_ “David,” _ Patrick warns again, fingers tightening in David’s hair. He looms over his husband’s kneeling form, appreciating the view of his cock being worshipped. 

A whine comes from the back of David’s throat. Patrick knows that whine, it’s thick and high pitched. In no way does it indicate that David can actually hear Patrick. He’s lost in the motion of taking him deep down his throat, twisting a fraction to ease him deeper before loosening his lips to release the suction. He flattens his tongue to the underside of Patrick’s cock and drags it up and up and up until just the tip supports the head. It twitches, loving the repetitive motion. 

David moves to take him back into his mouth, but Patrick uses his hold on his hair to keep him in place. “David, can you hear me?” 

_ “Uhhuh,” _ David breaths out, sounding breathless. He closes his mouth, Patrick’s cock bounces away completely. 

“Good. Now, what did I say about your hands?”

David’s eyes widen in embarrassment the same moment his hands fly off of Patrick’s thighs and clasp at each other behind his back. 

“Words, David.” 

He gulps, “You said to keep them behind my back.” 

“That’s right, and what did you end up doing not three minutes later?”

David rolls his eyes, “I was just getting some leverage… was still only touching you with my mo-  _ uh, mouth,” _ he trails off, voice high pitched and choppy. At the first sign of defiance, Patrick had bent down so they’d be eye level with each other, causing David to stutter towards the end of his statement.

He’s down on one knee as the opposite foot remains stable on the floor, wanting to make sure he’s still an inch or two taller than David. 

The hand previously at home in David’s full head of hair slides down and grips the back of his neck. His free hand comes up and grabs David’s jaw. The hold is aggressive and in all ways controlling. His fingers curl and press into David’s cheek, not caring to be gentle. His thumb curls as well, pressing into David’s chin. 

Patrick leans in for a filthy kiss. His tongue dominates David’s mouth, seeking the taste of his own precum on his tongue. He pulls back, sucks on his bottom lip, loving how it feels plump and hot to the touch. 

David tries to reciprocate, swiping his tongue across Patrick’s top lip. Patrick pulls away. Despite having two hands claiming his head, David still attempts to chase Patrick’s lips. He doesn’t get very far.

“You want me to let you kiss me?” 

David nods, ever so slightly. 

“Or do you want me to let you suck my cock?”

They both look down, it’s still raging hard, too hard to lay against Patrick’s thigh. It hurts, frankly, to deny himself the pleasure for this long. All Patrick wants to do is stand back up and let his husband go to town on him. But this is not what today is about. Today, Patrick wants to make sure David knows who is in charge. Who will always be in control. 

He takes a deep breath and looks back up at David, waiting patiently for a verbal answer. 

“P-please,” David whines. 

“Please what, David?” 

“Please- anything… I want- I just…” his eyes flit this way and that. They jump back and forth between different points on Patrick’s body. He’s having trouble stringing two thoughts together, overwhelmed by all the possibilities at this pivotal moment. 

Anything is fair game, right now. Just how Patrick likes it. While externally he appears to be giving David some seconds to gather his thoughts and verbalize his wants, internally his gears are turning in his head. Taking the moment to consider different scenarios.

He takes pity on David, giving him the out his wide eyes are begging for. “See, David, this is why I make the rules. I know you want it all, baby,” he shifts his fingers into a gentler touch. Something more soothing. “But we only have so many hands… so many mouths…” he leans forward and gives him a closed mouth kiss.

David lets out an inaudible groan, one that Patrick can only feel as it vibrates through their lips. 

“So, you either follow my rules…” 

David nods, frantic at this point to display his understanding. 

“Or I have to give you an impromptu lesson in obedience and patience.”

David shakes his head left and right, up and down, and then in no particular direction, wild with worry. “No, I’ll listen, anything you say, I’ll do it...”

Patrick purses his lips. He could give David the second chance he deserves. They could continue with a little bit of oral play, transition into a nice fuck on the edge of the bed and end up in the shower together before midnight. That in and of itself would be way hotter than anything they’d tried in the past couple of months. 

But they’ve only just begun. Barely scratched the surface. Patrick wants to dig a little deeper. 

“I don’t think so.” 

David’s eyes all but fall out of his face in shock. 

* * *

_ Click.  _

The fourth cuff latches into place around David’s ankle. He’s laying face down, spreadeagle on their massive bed. Patrick inserts a finger between the leather and David’s skin, ensuring some room for wiggle is available. He may be trying to keep David in place, but he’s known David is a squirmer from the day they’d met and never once let himself forget it. This is a marathon, not a sprint. He’ll need David to be as comfortable for as long as possible to endure the things Patrick’s got in mind. 

Patrick crawls up the bed and lays next to David, facing him on his low profile pillow meant for belly sleepers. 

“Colour?”

David blinks, already slipping back into the role as he feels himself secured and unable to go anywhere. “Uhm. Green?”

Patrick tilts his head, frowning. He rubs a hand up and down David’s shoulder blade, comfortingly. “Green with a question mark? That’s yellow. You know that, David.”

“No, it’s green, it’s just… We haven’t done this in so long.”

“Mhmm,” Patrick mumbles in agreeance but doesn’t say anything, wanting to hear David’s full thoughts on the matter. 

“I’m excited. I know I’m going to love it. But my heart… It’s racing, I can feel it pulsing in my  _ head.” _

Patrick’s hand slides up, massaging a little pressure into the bottom of David’s neck instead. “Would you like me to unlatch your legs? I’d still be able to get the job done with your arms tied up.” 

“No! Definitely not, I want it like this. I’m not green yet, but I’m not yellow,” David makes eye contact with Patrick. “A chartreuse, if you will.” 

Patrick rolls his eyes, of course. “Well, as much as I hate chartreuse - and you know it - I can definitely work with that.” 

He gets up and out of David’s line of sight. He’ll take it slow, give David time to settle into his position and become eager enough for the next step. His eyes roam over David’s naked body, lines, curves and soft edges moving as he takes deep breaths. His head shimmies deeper into the pillow, eyes falling closed. His husband looks soft and scrumptious, the candlelight is certainly bringing out his best features. 

Patrick takes the opportunity to slide a leg up and over, landing him in a straddle position around David’s waist. A moan escapes, muffled by the pillow. Patrick smiles, spurred on by the variety of verbal cues David always gives out, whether intentional or not. 

His hands land gently on David’s back, taking a symmetrical path up and down his spine. They follow their own accord in giving David a massage. Thumbs press strategically in areas where his muscles are tense.

“You’re right,” he says quietly. “We haven’t done this in a while.” 

_ “Mmf,  _ the sex or the private massage service?” 

“Both.” 

“I like it. At first I was wondering if I missed one of your fractional anniversaries.” 

Patrick laughs lightly, knowing David likes to tease Patrick’s romantic gestures as much as he likes being on the receiving end of them. “No, I would have gotten you a gift in that case.”

“I thought maybe you’d run out of ideas.” Patrick’s hands reach the top of his back, they flatten out as his palms knead across David’s wide shoulders.  _ “God,  _ that’s good,” he takes a deep inhale and times the exhale with Patrick’s next glide down and to the side. They’re familiar enough with each other. They can predict their next moves. The massage becomes a practiced dance.

“How could I? Every time you pick up a new hobby is a chance for me to surprise you in the future.” 

David’s body deflates a little, a good sign, most of the tension released at this point. 

With the next motion, Patrick bends down and speaks directly into David’s ear. “I update the spreadsheet daily.”

David’s next exhale comes out jaggedy. “Fuck...”

“It’s called  _ Gift Ideas for David,”  _

David is visibly getting riled up. But he hasn’t given the green light yet. Patrick doesn’t want to presume and start saying anything too filthy before they’re both absolutely ready. So he continues rambling. 

“I categorize them based on how grand of a gesture they are. Each level gets its own occasion. Sentimental gifts are for birthdays. Expensive ones fall under anniversaries. Food is for the half-aversaries…” 

David nods along, already knowing most of this information. But Patrick’s breath and low tone of voice against his ear are definitely having the effect he desires. His head lifts up from its sideways position and twists down so that his face is buried in the pillow. 

“The inside joke gifts, of course, are for monthly milestones.” 

David groans, twisting his head to the other side. Patrick can see the cheek that was pressed up against the pillow for long, bright red. “For a husband who complains about me being so spoiled, you sure do seem to be doing all of the spoiling.” 

Patrick laughs. He’s right. “What can I say, I love your reactions. I love  _ you,”  _ he bends low enough to place an open mouthed kiss against the nape of David’s neck. 

_ “Fuh… oh fuck.”  _

Patrick shifts slightly, his kisses trail a couple of inches lower. His fingers twitch, he wants to grab, scratch, feel, anything. He wants to devour- 

“Patrick!”

“What-”

“Green,  _ green!” _

He’s never been so conditioned to react to a single word so aggressively. His cock, which had softened significantly in their interlude, twitches against David’s spine. He moves and shifts and gets ready to give David all the love and attention he deserves. 

Moving down from his position around David’s waist, Patrick is now straddling David’s thighs. His arms curl around his torso, intertwining his fingers through his chest hair as his lips continue to leave kisses lower and lower down his back. They get sloppier and sloppier, tongue ravishing at David’s skin. 

They both moan, losing track of who’s saying which gibberish. 

Eventually, Patrick’s cock is so hard against David’s legs it’s unavoidable. David shifts them ever so slightly, creating enough of a gap for it to fall through. 

Patrick groans, feeling David squeeze his thighs around him. “Fuck yes, baby, that’s so good,” he untangles his arms from around Patrick and braces his hands on the bed. Stretching up, he supports himself in almost a plank like position. It gives him the leverage he needs to thrust into the tight space. 

“You’re so good for me, David, you know exactly what I need…”

David lifts his hips, meeting Patrick’s next thrust. “I thought I needed a lesson in obedience?”

That shakes Patrick from his haze. He pulls away from David who clearly didn’t expect this as a reaction to his statement because he whines in protest immediately. 

Patrick sits up, their bodies no longer parallel to each other. He lifts an arm and lowers it without warning, giving David an unexpected spank on his ass. It’s hardly the hardest David can handle, but the shock of it reverberates through his whole body. He curls up and squeezes his eyes shut, all and any coherent words abandoning him. 

“You do need a lesson. You seem to be getting a little too comfortable with making all these sassy remarks.”

Patrick curls the fingers on his dominant hand, personally also loving the sting that runs through it. Without too much pause, he slaps David’s second cheek. 

“But you seem to forget the most important thing.” Spank. “I’m the one who makes the rules.” Another one. “I decide when you need a lesson. And,” he takes a deep breath and makes a move to land another spank but stops short. David’s ass flexes, flinching from a hit that never lands. Patrick loves this, loves leaving David in anticipation. 

He slaps his hand down and lets it land exactly in the middle of David’s ass, causing both cheeks to officially turn red. 

David wails, not seeing it coming. 

“I’m in control.” 

_ “Fuck, Patrick!”  _

“You got that?”

“I do, I do, I  _ do I do I do…”  _ David chants. 

Patrick grabs his cheeks with both hands and squeezes, “What are you going to do now, David?”

“...good…” the little murmur comes from David’s pillow where he’s buried his entire face in it again. 

“What’s that?” Patrick asks, almost conversationally as he admires David’s ass. “I couldn’t hear you.”

David lifts his head, eyes looking wild and unfocused, “I’m going to be good.” 

“That’s right. You’re going to be my good boy. You know why? Because you now have two strikes.” 

David whines in protest. 

“Two strikes, David. First, you used your hands during my blowjob even when I explicitly instructed you not to. Then, you questioned my intentions as I was admiring your body and giving it the attention it deserves.”

David keens at that, he squirms and bends, pulling the handcuffs around his wrists taught against the headboard. 

“So you’re going to stay absolutely still as I split you open with my tongue,” Patrick is also breathing heavily at this point, needing to take a deep breath between each sentence. “As I fuck you into the mattress with my cock…” he uses his hands on David’s ass to spread him open, eyes falling in love yet again with the pretty sight of his hole winking in anticipation. 

“...because if you don’t, you won’t be cumming at all tonight.” 

_ “What!” _ David cries out. 

“That’s right. We have the whole weekend to ourselves, I have no problem stretching this out until you’ve learned your lesson.”

“No, no, no I’m going to stay still, I promise.” 

“Are you sure, David?” Patrick asks, leveling out his tone so it sounds slightly different from before. 

“Yes, green, so green.” 

“Mm, good boy.”

* * *

* * *

Eating out his husband has to be classified as one of Patrick’s hobbies, at this rate. What with all the time and dedication he spends on it. 

“Mmm,”

He absolutely loves to spread David out on their bed, fully naked, and give him an out of body experience. 

_ “Ughhh, Patrick!” _

It doesn’t matter who’s topping on any given occasion, Patrick likes to provide a solid ass eating to set the tone for the night. 

“Ah-ah-ah…”

Patrick tunes back into his mind, feeling like he’s just had an out of body experience himself. “Mmm, fuck, you tase so good,” he gives his jaw a break for a moment, reaching down to press the pad of his thumb against David’s asshole instead. Another guttural moan is ripped out of David. “Yea, you like that? You like it when I worship your ass like this?” 

_ “Yeah!” _

“Oh, you are gunna be so ready for my cock…”

“Pl- pleh...”

“What’s that, baby? I couldn’t quite catch that.” Patrick leans forward and licks around his finger. His jaw still aches, but he can’t help it. With his husband on display like this, spread open under his own ministrations, moaning and mumbling incoherent responses. Patrick is completely whipped and he is completely okay with that.

David lifts his head off the pillow, looking dazed and unaware.  _ “Jesus Fucking Christ!” _

Patrick lifts himself up from where he was settled between David’s legs. He takes a deep breath, wiping drool and spit off his lips with the back of his hand. Chest heaving, heart thumping, mind racing. He straddles one of David’s thighs and lifts his arm up. He flexes. “I am Patrick.  _ Fucking. _ Brewer,” each word is enunciated in a deep tone that erupts from very low in his chest. He punctuates each one with a slap to David’s ass.

David screams. His ass is red and eager. The chains are pulled taut where they’re attached to the bed. David is squirming this way and that. Patrick has half a mind to call him out on not following the rules, but he’d been a good boy for god knows how long as he got him ready. He’ll let this one slide. 

His cock is throbbing where it lies on the back of his thigh, begging for attention. Which Patrick finally gives. He places an open palm down on the head, applying pressure between it and David’s skin. He’s tense, he wants to move. Patrick can tell. 

He fucks into his hand for a bit, relishing in the pleasure. His head pokes into David’s ass with every thrust, teasing. 

“I’m going to untie one of your legs, don't move until I tell you to.”

David is breathing heavy, he doesn’t even bother replying. Just nods his head. 

Patrick moves to the back of the bed and unattaches his left foot from the footboard. He’s careful to not jostle David too quickly. He’s been stretched out in one position for too long not to feel aches in his joints. He wraps both hands around his knee and massages his fingers in gentle circles. David does the honours and bends the knee faster than Patrick would have. 

“Hey, what did I say?” 

“I don’t caaaare, just… fuh- fuck me already.” 

“Okay, but don’t complain to me later when you can’t walk in a straight line,” he goes back to straddling David’s right thigh at a correct enough angle where he can fuck his cock between David’s cheeks. “God, you’re soaking wet. How fast do you think I can bottom out?” 

“Record speed. If you don’t fuck me right now, I swear-”

Patrick ignores him, pushing the tip of his cock into his ass. “Fuck yes. Look at that,” Patrick admires David’s ass swallowing him up without any resistance. Although, he feels part of that credit has to be given to his professional level rimming skills.

“I told yo-” David is about to brag but Patrick’s moves knock the wind out of him. He grabs the bent knee and shoves it up as far as he’s able to stretch. The other hand lands on David’s back, pressing him even deeper into the mattress.

_ “Hooofuuucck,” _

_ “Mmm,” _ Patrick loses all coherence at that point as well. He starts pistoning into his husband at a speed truly unconducive to his wishes for a long and lasting sex session. But at this point all thoughts are thrown out the window as his body makes all the decisions for him. 

His thrusts become methodical and identical. A switch flips in his brain. From marathon mode to sprint mode. They’ve already extended the foreplay for so long, he’s been hard for so long, he’s been teasing David on the brink his orgasm for  _ so long.  _

It’s time to reach that release. 

_ “Ah…”  _ David hiccups. 

“What’s that, baby?”

“I… will you just-  _ Mmm!  _ I’m so close! Please! Can I cum?”

Patrick stomach flips at hearing those words. He’s far gone for the way David trusts him. Gives him this power. He sets the rules and David follows and remembers to ask for permissions and fuck if that isn’t the hottest thing he’s ever experienced. 

David must mistake Patrick’s silence for him needing more convincing...

“Please,  _ please, please!  _ I’ve been good, I didn’t move! Ah-  _ oh god, _ I can’t, you’re fucking me so good, I’ll do anything you say… plea- _ mmf…” _

Patrick’s body just reacts to his words on autopilot. He stops his rhythmic pounding and starts thrusting into him forcefully at every beg, every please, every whine.

“Have you been a good boy? Do you deserve it?” Patrick questions David to stall a bit. He’s already decided David will experience the best orgasm to date if he has any say in it. He’s been nothing but obedient which was the exact purpose of this so called lesson.

“I do,  _ I do!”  _

He debates it in his head. He’s close as well. He wants to cum. But he hasn’t seen David’s face in a while. He decides this position has run its course and plans their final position quickly in his head. “Fuck, of course you do, baby. You’ve been nothing but my good boy today. Are you ready?”

“Yes!”

Patrick slowly brings his thrusts to a full halt. He pulls out of David, loving the slow drag of his cockhead, as hard as it can get, tracing its way out. 

David moans, hating the separation. But he doesn’t say anything, probably reading Patrick’s mind quickly enough as he unattaches his other leg from the footboard. He climbs up the bed and directs David into rolling onto his back. His arms criss cross over his head, sliding the chain as far as it would go. 

Patrick stares, marveling at the look of David sprawled out on his back. His hair is absolutely disheveled, a nice surprise given Patrick hadn’t played with it much. Probably from all the wiggling and squirming he’d done. 

Patrick kneels, capturing David’s lips with his own. David kisses him back in a hurry. He pulls away from Patrick with a pop. “Mm, Patrick, please fuck me. I wanna cum on your cock, please,” 

Before he’s even done begging, Patrick hooks both his elbows around his knees and slides back inside. The new angle is tight, but they both love this position. Moaning and burying their faces into each other’s necks. 

“Oh fuck, that’s it,” Patrick groans. The minute he feels his balls tense, curling up for release, he reaches down.

He grabs David’s cock with little finesse but lots of pressure. He’s not as slick as he needs to be so Patrick braces himself on one arm and spits directly on David’s cock. 

David moans, sensitive and overstimulated once Patrick starts jerking him off. 

“Fuck, yes,  _ yes yes yes!” _

“Cum for me, David, cum now!” He speeds up, powering through a cramp in his fingers. He has to bring David to the edge. He can’t have teased him this long and skimp out now. 

“Oh  _ fuuuuhhhuuuck!” _

_ “Oh shit.  _ You feel so _ fucking good.” _ David’s ass clenches down around Patrick’s cock. He stops thrusting, burying himself as deep as possible. 

“Patrick…”

“Mmm…  _ mmm,” _ Patrick cums and cums and cums. His cock twitches, squirting the last bit of cum inside his husband. His eyes hurt, he’s squeezing them so hard. He sees stars for a moment, dancing in celebration. 

“Crap, I literally haven’t cum that hard in years.”

Patrick looks up, spotting the remnants of David’s spunk on his own chin. He bursts into laughter. 

“I don’t think…” he pauses, needing to take a deep breath before continuing. His arms become jelly and so he lets himself fall down onto David’s chest. “I don’t think it’s been years.”

“I think so. This was, like, a honeymoon level experience.”

Patrick smiles, happy with the feedback. He’d worked hard trying to prove that quiz wrong. The fact that David doesn’t even know about it makes it that much more meaningful. David is not the type of over hype Patrick for a mediocre job just to boost his ego. But he also wouldn’t want Patrick to stress over it too much. 

He’ll take this win, anyway. 

“Um, hello? Did you sleep? I’m still, uh… shackled.” 

Patrick lifts his heads, “I thought you liked being shackled to me. Are you saying you want a divorce?” Patrick gasps, faking shock. 

“No, please, keep us legally shackled. But for the love of god, please untie my hands.” 

David didn’t have to ask twice, Patrick is already up and fidgeting with the handcuffs. He just loves to tease him whenever he gets the chance. 

“How are you feeling?” He asks, placing a soft kiss to each of David’s wrists. He bends them this way and that. Gently easing them back into a life of movement and freedom. 

“Fucked out of my mind. Sticky, but mostly fucked out of my mind.” 

“Sounds about right. Wanna shower together or in turns?”

“Together, please.” 

As they step into the shower, they’re both still breathing heavy. Post orgasm, Patrick now feels the exhaustion of the full body workout he unintentionally put himself through. 

He starts thinking back to the quiz and doing some quick math. It’s been at least two hours since they finished dinner and hopped into that initial shower to get themselves ready. When he’d first read the quiz, the selection set of answers genuinely offended him. Who actually had sex for more than an hour? On a regular basis? 

Patrick and David certainly love to low key brag about their sex life to whoever asks -  _ nobody, nobody asks _ \- but even they can admit that life just gets in the way. They still have to sleep, eat, operate a store. See their families from time to time. 

Regardless, Patrick feels over the moon. They’ve been at it for hours, and it’s only friday. Giddy about the rest of the weekend, he can’t help the sheepish smile that graces his face as David scrubs him down with a loofah. 

“What are you so smug about?”

“Oh, nothing. Just happy,” he replies. At first, he was desperate for David to have a deep look at the quiz with him. Now, mentioning that rigged system is the last thing on his mind. 

“Well, you better be. And that’s my ass talking, I’m just the messenger.” 

* * *

* * *

Breakfast on Saturday morning is… a mission. From the moment David had brushed his teeth and met Patrick in the kitchen he’d latched onto him like a koala bear. It seemed to be a case of Extra Snuggly Feelings that got triggered last night from the honeymoon level experience, as David so eloquently put it. 

“Whatcha making?” David’s question is a quiet groany mumble directed into Patrick’s neck as he hugs him from behind. He parks his chin on his shoulder, clearly able to watch Patrick pour pancake batter onto a pan. 

“I’m roasting a turkey, David, I think that’s pretty clear.” 

David points directly at the pancake starting to form into a solid circle. “Now, is that a new gravy you’re trying out? Or did the turkey literally liquify under your fingers as you massaged it?” 

Patrick snickers, taking the comment as a compliment to his massage giving skills. “No one gets the pleasure of receiving my massages other than you, David. Not even Turkeys,” he tilts his head to the side to place a smooch on David’s cheek before flipping the pancake. 

He moves to grab something from the fridge but apparently the smooch wasn’t enough to appease David. He doesn’t let Patrick slip from his grasp, walking with him across the kitchen - chest fully glued to his back. 

“You okay back there?” 

“Mhmm, all good,” David murmurs into his neck. 

A shiver runs down Patrick’s spine. It’s not that he doesn’t like the extra affection, but he is really intent on feeding himself a hearty breakfast this morning. They’d fallen asleep the night before immediately after their shower. A midnight snack was not an option that crossed their minds. Which means he hasn’t eaten since the dinner prior at 7pm. 

Patrick’s stomach growls, loud enough for David to hear. 

“You hungry?” David asks before opening his mouth to bite a big chomp into the meat on Patrick’s shoulder. 

“Starving,” he replies, walking them back to the stove to swap the pancake for the next dollop of batter. He can’t shake David off even if he tried. 

“I think it’s the sex. Remember when we first started having sex and I was literally  _ always _ eating?” 

“You mean that wasn’t just one of your personality traits?” 

David smacks Patrick’s ass, “Rude! I was eating a lot! Even for me…” 

“I’m not saying it was a bad thing, I found it kind of attractive, actually.”

“Yea, I could tell. Well, Stevie could tell. She pointed it out to me after the third pizza sized cookie showed up at the motel.”

Patrick flips the next pancake and turns around in David’s hold. “What are you in the mood for with your pancakes? Strawberries? Banana? Tangerines?”

“Um,” David thinks about it for a second, tracing the neckline of Patrick’s shirt. “Is all of the above an option?”

“Only if you help me prepare.”

“Okay, fine,” he says out loud but there is zero resentment in his tone. They let go of each other and move about the kitchen, getting bowls of fruit ready. Patrick brings a stack of pancakes to the table and a platter of freshly washed de-stemmed strawberries. He rolls his eyes when David calls dibs on arranging the fruits that don’t require any prep or rinsing. 

They settle into eating their breakfast at a leisurely pace. 

Occasionally, David makes a comment about work. Patrick has noticed that whenever there’s too much silence in the air, his mind carries him forward to the next week’s meetings and deadlines. Patrick, however, doesn’t want anything to do with thinking about the future. At least not this weekend. He hums and nods in response to David, not wanting him to feel ignored. But he also doesn’t contribute to the one sided conversation. Not wanting to fuel it. 

David doesn’t seem to need the fuel, however. Seeming to transition from hypothetical ideas to full on planning mode. “You know what, the garden behind the store is actually over populating. I bet we can pick out an assortment of those wild flowers, skip the outlandish fees of a florist.”

Patrick has a lot of business-partner responses he can toss back at David. First of all, that doesn’t sound very safe. Second, it directly goes against their very specific business model of supporting local artists, seeing as florists fall under that category.

But Patrick doesn’t want to spiral into any of those discussions. “David?” 

“What, you have a better idea of keeping us within budget?” 

“As much as I love you taking budget constraints into consideration, please shut up.” 

“But-” David is promptly cut off when Patrick shoves a strawberry into his mouth. 

_ “Shh,” _

David starts chewing, “What has gotten into you?”

“I can’t feed my husband?” 

“You can, but-”

“Nuh-uh, I said shh,” he shoves another strawberry in there, David’s cheeks begin to fill up.

Patrick takes another bite of his own syrup soaked pancake. He watches as David chews his fruit and stares at him back. He’s walking the line between wanting to savour his food and wanting to keep a lookout for Patrick in case he attacks with a third attempt at shutting him up. 

Patrick picks up a tangerine and starts to peel it gently. 

“Am I not allowed to talk at all, or is it just work talk that’s off the table.”

“You’re allowed to talk about food,” Patrick thinks about it for a second then shrugs casually, adding, “Or sex. Nothing else,” he splits off a tangerine slice before lifting his hand and aiming for David’s mouth. 

David grabs his wrist but doesn’t lean away from the offering. He opens his mouth and takes in Patrick’s fingers along with the slice. “Mmm…” 

Patrick watches. David bites it in half, the juices explode in his mouth. His teeth scrape against Patrick but not hard enough to cause pain. Patrick’s eyes are glued to his lips, watching as David salivates around his trapped fingers. 

After swallowing the fruit down, David licks the escaped droplets off of his knuckles and lets him go with a smirk. “What about food  _ and _ sex?” 

“I can be amenable to that,” he reaches up with his clean hand to grab David’s shirt and pull him in for a kiss. Their lips meet with ease, both eager to get a taste of each other. Patrick can taste and feel the fresh feel of David, his tongue is cool to the touch against his own. Tilting his head, Patrick dives in deeper, enjoying the rush it sends through to the rest of his body. 

They go from kissing to actively making out in a matter of seconds. Apparently, this excites David enough to lean forward and shift from his own chair to Patrick’s lap. Their tongues take turns battling for domination. Eventually, hands start roaming. Groins start grinding. 

On a regular day, Patrick would have indulged in this for a short five minutes before reminding David they have to clean up and start with their errands. Now, with nothing on their schedules and a certain quiz to prove wrong, he’s very much intentionally keeping his husband as close to him as possible. 

“Ugh, take this off!” David’s frustration with Patrick’s shirt being in the way takes control as he shoves it off and tosses it aside.

They meet back in the middle for a filthy kiss. The feeling of David’s blunt yet firm nails against his chest drives Patrick wild. He sends his own into David’s hair, encouraging him to continue. Something cold and sticky suddenly drips onto Patrick’s chest, shocking him out of their kiss. 

“What the-” he looks down, spotting the offending weapon in David’s hands. An open bottle of maple syrup. He glances back up, meeting David’s gaze. 

“Oops…” he smirks, standing up and placing the bottle back on the table. “I must be so clumsy, allow me to help you clean up,” he gets down on his knees. Patrick stretches his legs apart, making way for him to slide in between. 

“You’ve made a mess of me, David,” he chides in a low tone, shaking his head. His fingers find their home in his hair again, brushing through it gently, taming it to the side. It’s so soft, the action is comforting to both of them. David places an equally soft kiss on Patrick’s collarbone, an inch away from the actual syrup.

He trails a couple of kisses around the mess. Patrick can feel drops of syrup slide down his pecs. His right nipple becomes coated within seconds, completely ignored by David so far. The minute Patrick closes his eyes and throws his head back to enjoy the feeling, David sticks out his tongue to take the first lick. 

It’s not as cool to the touch as it was when they were kissing, seeming to have heated up in their activity. He alternates between small kitten licks and sloppy kisses, making his way across Patrick’s chest in a zigzag like path. He licks and licks and licks. It feels like David is spreading the syrup around chaotically, instead of cleaning any of it up. But Patrick doesn’t mind, he settles in and enjoys the feeling of his sweet tongue on his body regardless. 

The exact second David spreads his tongue flat on his nipple, Patrick moans out in surprise. His fingers tighten in his hair on instinct, eliciting a moan from him as well. They spur each other on, breaths becoming heavier from each of them. 

Patrick looks back down at the action, wanting to see that pink tongue do tricks on his nipple. David swipes left, right, flat, circle. It sends consecutive zigs to his cock.  _ “Fuck…”  _ he whispers in appreciation. 

“You like that?” 

“Yea… give the other one some attention,” he prompts. 

David takes to instruction like a fish takes to water. He shifts a little in his position, setting himself up for a journey to the opposite nipple. 

“Wait,” Patrick pushes away from David for a quick second as he runs to the nearest couch. He snatches a throw pillow and runs back to his seat at the dinner table. He places the pillow on the ground and gestures for him to kneel on it. It’s already been long enough for David’s knees to start becoming uncomfortable. Unlike their fluffy rug in the bedroom, the one under this table is more functional and durable than it is forgiving. 

“Thank you,” David mumbles as Patrick settles back in his seat. 

“You’re welcome, baby,” Patrick bends to give David a chaste kiss on the lips. Yum. He tastes so fucking sweet. “Now, I believe you had a mess to clean up?” 

David’s smile turns from adorable to mischievous. He lowers down to his chest, dragging a sizable chunk of syrup from between his pectorals all the way to the neglected nipple. At first, no syrup had landed there. Now, David is  _ ensuring _ the mess is as evenly distributed as possible. 

In the same instant that he swipes his slick tongue across the nipple, he also wraps a hand around Patrick’s still clothed cock. “Mmm,” David moans, delighted. It’s at this moment that Patrick remembers he hadn’t bothered to hunt for underwear this morning. His cock feels hard and warm through his sweatpants right against David’s palms. 

“More…” Patrick moans, wishing David understands that he wants him to just dive in and alleviate the pain of being one layer of fabric away. 

David licks another circle around his nipple and hums, “What’s that? Couldn’t quite catch you.”

Patrick opens his eyes and glares, well aware that David was using his own medicine against him. He places both hands back in his hair and angles him to make eye contact. “Get my cock out and put that filthy mouth to better use.”

David almost chokes on his own breath, gasping in response. He hurries to drag the sweatpants down as Patrick helps him out by lifting his ass off the chair for a second. His cock bounces off of the waistband and pokes David’s chest eagerly. He grabs it with one hand and lets the other land on Patrick’s balls. Fuck, Patrick’s balls literally never say no to any type of attention. 

As if possible at this point, Patrick can feel his cock grow even harder in David’s hand. He runs it up and down the length, but doesn’t apply enough resistance for Patrick to thrust into. His tongue doesn’t abandon its original path. Kissing its way from Patrick’s pecs, down his stomach, through the small patch of fuzz that makes up his happy trail. 

Once David engulfs him in his mouth, all coherent thoughts are tossed out the window. He mumbles and groans, flexing his hips this way and that. But David has a technique in mind and it doesn’t involve a writhing husband underneath him, so he has to momentarily let go of his balls and press his hand into his hips. 

“Fuck, come on. Just gimme- I want…” 

David pops off, panting. “It’s not easy, giving up control, eh?” 

Patrick sighs, “Your mouth is so fucking hot. I can’t help it. I need more. I need it everywhere.” 

His cock is back in David’s hand, this time with a grip unlike anything he’s tried all weekend long. He sticks out his tongue and flattens it against his shaft, running up and down the length at a sideways angle. 

The image is obscene. David’s eyes bore into Patrick’s as he worships his cock with an open mouth. Drool starts to form. Neither of them make any move to clean it up. It serves as a tool for David to jerk him off with his hand even faster. 

“Fuck! Okay wait- fuck, I’m close.” 

“I want you to cum on my face.” 

_ Good god,  _ he won’t even last another second. He stands up, wanting to let gravity do as much of the work as possible. He goes to place his hands in David’s hair again, but he bats them away. 

“No. No control. Just feel me, my hands, and my mouth.” 

Patrick nods, too far gone to argue anything at this point. David cups his balls, squeezes them gently. They’re tight, they’re so  _ fucking _ tight. The pressure down there makes him want to scream, soar, fly up and defy physics. Evaporate.  _ Anything.  _

David swirls one hand around the base of his cock in one fluid motion as his lips close around his head. And that’s  _ it.  _ Patrick is a goner. His mouth opens as he leans up, moaning and eager to catch all of Patrick’s cum. He wants to watch, he really does, but the orgasm shakes through his entire body. 

Violently. It’s all he can do, to stand in one spot and not keel over. 

Mumbling curses and nonsense, he pants heavily and shakes his head. 

_ “Mmm.  _ Not as sweet as the syrup, but just as delicious.” 

Patrick laughs, delirious. David helps him sit back down on the chair. Before too long, he can open his eyes again. David is staring at him from the next chair over. He was fully dressed a second ago, but now his body is naked and on display. 

“How are your knees?” 

“Oh shut up, don’t be sweet yet. I still need my orgasm.” 

Patrick rolls his eyes, knowing full well he can get David off with his sweet talk just as easily as he can with his dirty talk. “Stop, I can help. Just give me a second to catch my breath.” 

“Are you kidding? I’m literally as hard as a rock. I won’t last.” 

Patrick frowns. He sits up, tries to lift his arms, but they’re like jelly. David takes pity on him and scootches his chair closer to meet him halfway. “It’s fine, next time. I’m close,” David exhales audibly. Patrick settles for placing a hand on David’s thigh, happy to at least be feeling him. 

Not three rubs later, David is cumming all over his hand with a huge shout. It’s music to Patrick’s ears. He may not have helped with the finale, but he knows just how much David loves giving oral. A flutter in his chest settles, happy. 

They sit in silence for a while, panting next to each other until their breaths even out. 

“I suppose we need another shower…” Patrick smiles, pointing a lazy finger at David’s face.

“You think?!” He replies, outraged. 

* * *

It’s not until they’re each in a fresh set of pyjamas that David starts questioning Patrick’s intentions. 

“But are you  _ sure _ you want to bust out the sexy suitcase? This morning wasn’t enough for you?”

“Of course I’m sure, David. I told you, I planned this whole weekend to be just for us.”

“M’kay, but ‘for us’ can include watching a movie together, playing a board game, organizing the pantry. I don’t know. Something to bond over if you want us to bond, or whatever.”

Patrick turns to David, concerned. “Hey, we don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just… don’t want you to think  _ I  _ don’t want to.” 

David nods along, “Yes, yes. Your non-existent refractory period has made it very clear to me how much you want to. Like, all the time.”

“Good,” Patrick smiles back. 

“It’s just that… the last 24 hours have been a lot? We can just cuddle for a while until it’s no longer overwhelming.”

This is the point where Patrick needs to kick himself in the head for being so pushy. David is clearly trying to send a message across. He’s not  _ just _ doubting Patrick’s intentions. “Okay, David, let’s cuddle. We can save the sex toys for tomorrow.”

David rolls his eyes, “Of course.”

They make their way over to the couch and grab a throw blanket off the back. They settle underneath with a pile of remotes, phones, a laptop, and a magazine to keep them busy. 

Wait. 

A magazine?

Patrick does a double take and sees that, indeed, David is holding the copy of  _ So You Wanna Talk About Boys  _ that Alexis sent over. 

Crap, maybe that’s why David never brought it up. He never got around to reading it. Patrick literally hadn’t seen the magazine since it was cleared off of their table by the entrance of the house. It must’ve been on David’s to-read list this entire time. 

“Yea, we don’t need that today, we have movies to entertain us,” he grabs the magazine from David’s lap and tosses it onto the coffee table. Out of reach. 

David lifts a single eyebrow, confused. 

Patrick looks away quickly, fidgeting with the blanket to get it right. 

“Oh my god.”

“What?”

_ “Oh my god.” _

_ “What?” _

“You read the quiz!”

“What quiz?”

“Oh my god!” David screams, slapping Patrick’s shoulder. 

“Ouch, what?!”

“You didn’t just toss that magazine like it was made of lava because you had some movie you wanted us to watch. You read the fucking quiz.”

“David, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Do you want any snacks?” He stands up, making a move to walk to the kitchen. 

Before he gets far his forearm is captured as David drags him back down to the couch. “The sex quiz. I read it too. It’s completely bullshit, by the way.”

Patrick doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even put up a front anymore. He glares at the offending lump of paper on the coffee table like it personally murdered his entire family. 

“Oh my god, this explains  _ so much!” _

“Would you stop it? So what! I read it and it was funny. It has nothing to do with anything.”

David laughs, “It has everything to do with everything,” he pulls his pouting husband back under the throw blanket and tucks him against his side. “How have I heard you mention us to your sports friends? Our sex life is a bomb? Something or other?”

Patrick facepalms out of embarrassment. He needs to hide. “That’s not fair. I was drunk.”

“Sure. But what was the saying?”

“Our sex life is the bomb dot com,” he mumbles. 

David snickers next to him. He places a kiss into his hair. “Our sex life is the… bomb dot com. We don’t need some silly quiz to prove that.”

“Well, I know that  _ now!  _ I just wanted to make sure.”

“I’m not exactly complaining, you know. This has been one fuck-tastic weekend. And something tells me you won’t let go of tomorrow’s plans just because I found out about your little secret.”

“I don’t know about that. I’m too embarrassed to get it up ever again.”

David scoffs, disagreeing. He slides a hand into Patrick’s lap, finding what he was looking for immediately. Patrick stirs at the slight touch. “Unbelievable. It’s literally only been half an hour.” 

Patrick smacks his hand away. “I thought we were going to cuddle?”

“We are, just give me thirty seconds to toss this thing in the garbage,” he stands up and grabs the magazine. “If it gets you this riled up, it’s bad juju.” 

He watches as David hops out of the room, presumably to toss it in the kitchen’s trash that they take out daily. A goofy smile falls on Patrick’s face.

When David slides back in he can’t help but blurt, “I love you.”

“I love you too, you big sex nerd.”

* * *

**Author's Note:**

>  _*whew*_ Patrick was never going to get away with keeping that quiz a secret. I'd love to know what you think in the comments! I'm also on tumblr as [pine67](https://pine67.tumblr.com) if that floats your boat.


End file.
